Harassing Harris On Facebook

Текст песни Aziz Ansari - Harassing Harris On Facebook

Harassing Harris on Facebook LyricsI found Harris to be most entertaining to me when he’s most angry at me and I found that the quickest way to get him crazy is to fuck with him on Facebook. He does not like it. He’s got his little updates meticulously planned like, “Just became a big fan of Will Smith” so I’ll write up there, “Fuck Will Smith!” And he’ll be like, “Why’d you do that?”

And so one time I noticed he was posting a lot on a study group for his world history class and I was like, “I know what I’ll do, I’ll join the study group and I’ll write all this dumb shit on there, Harris will get really pissed and it’ll be awesome.” And that’s exactly how that shit went down. As soon as I started posting I started getting all these angry IM’s from Harris like, “Hey man, you need to get off the boards”. I’d be like, “Why?” And he’s like, “The Admins are getting on my case.” And he posts this conversation he has with the admin where the admin is like, “Hey Harris who’s Aziz?” and he’s like, “My cousin, why do you ask?” And he, goes “He’s posting on AP World wall, do you know what period he has AP World?” and Harris writes in all caps, “NOOOOOOO YOU GOTTA BOOT HIM NOW.” With like thirty O’s thirty W’s and fifty exclamation points. And other people are starting to get suspicious of my presence on the board as well only because I’m supposed to be in the ninth grade and I have a full beard. But I’m trying to act like I belong right like I’m in the class and I know what’s up. So I noticed some controversy about some quiz question and I said, “I know what I’ll do. I’ll go and independently do some research and I’ll post my findings on the board, they’ll think I’m smart and that I belong in the class.” So the next post I wrote was “Guys! I’ve been doing some research, I think the views on Christianity and Buddhism are far from similar and Buddhism salvation is something you can only achieve from the noble eightfold path where as in Christianity salvation is something to all those who accept Jesus Christ as their savior. Quote: “for whomever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:13. I hate to say it guys but our teacher Mr. Edelstein is right.” BAM. And then I waited like two minutes and then I posted this, “Guys! I just got an email from Mr. Edelstein! He read what I wrote here and gave me an extra point on the quiz! He said I showed initiative and critical thinking skills. What a cool guy!” and then this kid replied, “ WHATTTTTT.” And then at this point Harris got fucking furious. He was like, “I don’t know if you should have posted that last wall post Aziz” and I was like, “Why?” He says, “What if people go in tomorrow and say, ‘Hey I heard you gave Aziz an extra point on the quiz can I get an extra point back too cause I put the same thing he did?’ and he’d be like, ‘I don’t teach Aziz that person doesn’t exist!’” And I was like, “Fuck you Harris! I do exist!” And then he starts attacking me publicly on the board like writing in all caps “AZIZ GET OUT THIS GROUP!!” With like a bunch of exclamation points and emoticons that are like (makes chomping noises). And I was like, “What’s that supposed to be Harris, you eating cinnabon all day?”

And then I start mounting my offensive. I start poking him like crazy and sending him vampire requests, whatever the fuck that is, and he’s like, “I don’t know what’s going on.” And then he writes up there, he goes, “Hey everyone, if I were you I wouldn’t go to Edelstein and ask to get the points back because I’m positive you won’t get the points back.” And I respond like, (speaks in a snarky tone) “No guys, I just got another email from Edelstein again, you’ll definitely get the points back. Just mention my name and the fact that I exist.” Fuck you Harris! And then this kids writes, “You’re not even in this class, you’re the guy from that TV show.” And some other kid writes, “What TV show are you on? And I write “Gossip Girl!” and then I got kicked the fuck out.