When I'm watching TV, girls are all I see
They're singing and dancing and acting and modelling
None of them would look at me
If I went to Jessica Simpson, she'd think I was an ignoramus
And if I tried to talk to Cameron Diaz, she'd say Get lost boy I'm famous
All the women round here have B.O or they have rolls
Some lucky bloke right now is probably hugging Beyonce Knowles
If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd call her right up
And I'd ask her what she's doing at half past 3
And then I'd ask her if she'd marry me
If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd be the luckiest guy in the world
I'd be the luckiest guy in the universe
And then some dick would try and steal her purse
So I'd smack him in the head with my mobile phone
And I'd say Hey Mister leave Jessie Alone
If I had Jessica Alba's Number (x4)
Fit girls get shot in films, I'm always in tears
I'd like to go see Toy Story 2 with just me and Britney Spears
She'd say Hit me baby one more time
And I'd say No way Britney, domestic violence is a crime
I like the one from Show Girls, when shes dancing round them poles
Or the really, really fit one who sings in the Pussycat Dolls
I've nearly got a moustache, and they still wouldn't talk to me
Kate Winslet naked in Titanic, or the lesbian from The O.C
If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd call her right up
And I'd ask her what she's doing at half past 3
And then I'd ask her if she'd marry me
If I had Jessica Alba's number
I'd be the luckiest guy in the world
I'd be the luckiest guy in the universe
And then some dick would try and steal her purse
So I'd smack him in the head with my mobile phone
And I'd say Hey Mister leave Jessie Alone
If I had Jessica Alba's Number (x4)
If I had Jennifer Lopez's number
Or Kate Nash's number
Or the girl that was in Transformers's number
Or Jessica Alba's number
